A Practical Guide to Helping your Family Face Life's Challenges

Genevieve Lowry M. Ed, CCLS

Certified Child Life Specialist/Reiki Master

www.practicalparentingsolutions.com

Every family faces challenges. Whether it be due to illness, loss, divorce, or economic changes, your family can be your greatest concern as well as your best asset. Building your children's self-esteem by trusting that with open honest and age appropriate explanations, as a family you all will grow and learn to overcome obstacles together.

Be honest: Telling your children the truth helps them trust that you and other adults in their life will be honest no matter how difficult the topic.

Be consistent: By creating routines children adjust better when something unexpected occurs thus decreasing their anxiety.

Talk with your children: Choose non-threatening times to talk about difficult or emotional topics. Choose times that offer children an outlet if the conversation gets to be too much. Going for walks, reading a story, or during a quiet activity are all times that allow children the opportunity to step back from the conversation to think about what been said and begin to process the information.

Follow your children’s lead: Offer information incrementally and welcome their questions. Use the questions as a guide for how much and when you should offer information.

Have confidence in yourself: You know your children and their strengths best. Trust your instincts when providing new and/or difficult information. Although you may not be able to protect them all the time you can help them learn the skills they need to face new challenges.

Have confidence in your children’s ability to understand and cope: Children are incredibly resilient. Have confidence in the lessons they have learned already and the ability to apply them to a new situation.

Allow your children to digest information at their own pace: When talking with your children, don’t be surprised if they don’t respond or react right away. Children need the opportunity to digest difficult information. Allow them that time then come back to it and ask if they have any questions.

Vary your communication style: Some children have a harder time with the face to face. After an initial conversation, try letter writing or emailing your children for responses or reactions, or just a quick how are you? Some children especially teenagers may be more open via this mode of communication.

Encourage a relationship with a trusted adult: Sometimes children need to talk privately with an adult but are afraid to upset their parents. Help your children identify who is a trusted adult and encourage them to share with that person. It can be an aunt, grandmother or a parent’s good friend. Someone your children have access to and are willing to be a confidant.

Family meetings: Family meetings are a great way to offer every family member the opportunity to talk about feelings, upcoming events, changes, and to discuss family plans. Children and teens are afforded the opportunity to voice concerns and discuss possible solutions.

Create family plans: Family plans help children live with the unexpected. There is less fear and anxiety if everyone participates understands, and agrees to the plan.

Validate your children’s feelings: Let your children know that you hear what they are saying. You understand their frustration, anger, or sadness. Offer them the opportunity to express feelings. Point out other times they may have felt this way and ask how they learned to manage those feelings. They may discover they have tools of their own they have been using throughout their lives.

Build on your family’s strengths: What does each member bring to the table? Use the gifts that each one of you inherently has to offer to move through a crisis. This will empower your children to conquer challenges throughout their lives.

Validate your own feelings: Allow yourself the opportunity to be angry, frustrated and sad. Do not be afraid to show your children your feelings as well. By modeling for your children appropriate reactions, this in turn will help them to find a way to manage their own feelings.

Create a new “Normal”: What is normal anyway? Your family will be changed by this experience. It does not have to be for the worse, it is up to you try to make this experience be about growth, learning, and coming together as a family.

Keep talking: Illness is a process as it continues to change and your family with it, make sure that everyone is still communicating. Children may need information reiterated as they grow and develop or as new information and treatments arise. Use these opportunities to talk and reflect, supporting your children’s growth and resilience.