Strategies for Communicating with your Child

Do you have a child like mine who at six years old is a magnificent storyteller? She can go for what seems like hours, barely taking a breath; telling stories about a band of rogue princesses slaying dragons on a cloud of marshmallow, or sharing every glorious yet inane detail with me about her life. Or is your child quieter more introspective and you wonder? What goes on inside his head? Regardless of age or temperament of your child, we all long for more moments where we feel as though we have made a connection with our child. In a busy world sometimes it feels like day to day logistics have taken' over as meaningful conversation. The time between school, work, and extracurricular activities doesn't have to be lost in the abyss of daily routines.

Whether you have a preschooler or teen, the following strategies are easily integrated into a busy day. Remember every family and every child is different use the the strategies as a place to start and tweak the information to fit your family and parenting style.

Hold them captive

Parent's today compete with so much technology daily that the car is the one place you can have your child's undivided attention. The back seat/front seat situation offers a level of comfort for kids they don't have to look you in the eye or see you wince if they ask or say something you weren't really prepared for. Driving provides the opportunity to also think through an answer and take pauses as you navigate busy roads. The time spent driving from one activity to another can be time discovering what is going on in your child's life.

OMG, TTFN

Technology is everywhere and instead of resisting, with your child it may pay to join in. Text, email, call or snail mail your child. Send a brief text to say "how r you, or just a quick "hey what's up." Email your child how proud you are of them on a recent achievement or maybe even send what we call in our house a "just because card" as another way to let your child know you are thinking about him and you are available to either shoot the breeze or have a serious talk .

Find a Medium
(and I don't mean the psychic kind)

Ask your child to join you as you walk the family dog, play a game or work on a project together. Use kicking a ball around the backyard as the excuse to spend time with your child. Because the focus is on the game your child will feel less pressure and may be more likely to open up and share about what's on his mind. Don't be hijacked by teaching the game or better foot skills, use it as a time to be present with your child and you may discover a few things about your child.

Talking Turkey

Studies have shown that children of families who eat together are less likely to use drugs and perform better in school. Use the dinner table to open up the lines of communication and connect with your child. Asking your child about her day or a topic in the media may spark a conversation you may not have otherwise had. Don't lecture but listen to your child's opinion and offer some of your own. Not sure how to start? Try a simple "check-in" asking each child about some part of her day or play the joys and concerns game where each child lists one joy of the day and something they are concerned about.

Sunrise or Dead of night

Whether your child is a night owl or early riser, join him for a few minutes before the day gets started and the hassles of the day haven't added a layer of stress or right before bed to debrief about the day for a better night's sleep. These few minutes each day, add up sending a message that regardless if its the crack of dawn or middle of the night you always have time to talk.

Talking with your child can be as frustrating as it is rewarding. Finding the right words is hard enough without the added pressure of finding the right time and place. Use what is available to you, dinnertime, drives to and fro, or doing a puzzle together offer opportunities for talking that could have been lost in space now have the potential to become precious moments.